5 Things I Learned About Out-Growing Friendships In My Mid-Twenties
Growing up is hard. Before deciding to write this blog I contemplated how I wanted to structure my thoughts. Did I want to give examples? Did I want to ask for opinions? Was this blog going to highlight things I’ve felt yet haven’t expressed? You bet. While realizing that relationships can be timeless there also comes a time when one may be plagued with the task of evaluating certain relationships. After all, measuring and outweighing certain interests is a facet of relationship building.
Take me for example - I pride myself on the people I surround myself with. I've tiered friends, put others into groups, and even maintained relationships with each one. Now over the years, things have changed. I see fewer of my best friends and with new relationships being formed within our personal lives distance starts to take shape. As a young twenty-something, I'm all about change. As everyone begins to make new realizations, form new passions and projects, shifting relationships are almost bound to happen. Here are 5 things I’ve learned as I've moved into my mid-twenties regarding friendships that may be changing:
Growth is essential.
Personally, professionally, it's all the same. Growth is finding new opportunities, shifting mindsets, and allowing for newer experiences. It can come in multiple forms. It can be extremely difficult or even come naturally. Either way, it goes - while you're alive it's essential to move forward and find different experiences that add to your life story
2. Desiring new experiences is not only valid but extremely important
To desire something is to want immensely. As we enter our mid-twenties, the desire to find new stories, experience new moments of life, and try new things should be at an all-time high. It's the exciting part about living. How will things turn out? Which one of my friends is next to get married? It's common to think about these things and ponder about what will happen next for you. As a thinker myself I'm always attempting to make advances with myself. I see things as an even exchange and value that philosophy even when it comes to others. Taking in every moment as positive I found myself wanting to surround myself with new stories and new faces that matched my energy and interests.
3. A pause in a relationship isn't the end all, be all.
For all we know, we don't know anything for sure. I've grown to see that certain situations have the ability to work themselves out. This also applies to the idea of friendships. We all have people who we used to be in contact with daily, weekly, etc. Getting older changes the landscape of who we are. As an understanding person, I've been able to reframe a lot of my past notions. If I was writing this blog as a 19/20-year-old version of myself I would probably have taken offense to pauses in a friendship. As a more refined and mature man, I see that taking pauses are necessary and can help a relationship rather than strain it.
4. What's for you will be for you
Friendships and people, in general, take a lot of work. I've been in situations where I felt like I was working to maintain a friendship. Working to let others know how much you care wasn't the issue in this case. It was the issue of constantly feeling like I was doing all of the work which made things awkward. At some point, it's important to note that the things meant for you, will be for you. If something is requiring you to exert a huge amount of energy without any being put back into the relationship, drop it.
5. Growth doesn't have to root from bad blood
I have this theory: once a good friend, always a good friend.
At least from my point-of-view. When I was younger I used to tell myself that I'd have my friends forever. I was rooted in the idea of keeping and maintaining friendships was a good sign that I, myself was being a good friend. While I was holding up my end of the deal I realized that my performance had less to do with the other person but more so with myself. Realizing that I was doing everything I felt was right was enough for me to feel comfortable with stepping back and accessing the situation. Leaving the situation I felt comfortable in knowing that the ending of a friendship didn't have to result in bad blood but more so due to personal progression.
The moral of the story is, friendships are beneficial for multiple reasons. They can be lucrative for a reason, season, or a lifetime. Being in the present and enjoying time with people is the most important aspect of growing and getting older. It's also extremely common to desire new experiences, take time for yourself and make new friends who will align with your current place in life. Holding on to the most important things are what will keep the memories of that relationship alive and whether relationships pick up or cease - you'll always have that as a part of your story.
No one said it was easy, but we're making it happen.
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